The biggest emotional rollercoaster I have ever been on!

Before this week, dad had been ok, its hard to remember what exactly his pain was like as it changes often, but it wasn't anything too different. Friday 10th November about 4pm he rang mum at work saying he felt so Ill. Mum came home to a pool of blood on the bathroom floor. Dad had thrown up so much blood the bathroom floor was covered, ( we've had to redecorate)  thats when I got the phone call.

" Hi RO, CAN YOU COME HOME, DADS THROWN UP A LOT OF BLOOD, I NEED YOU TO LOOK AFTER THE DOGS WHILST WE GO TO HOSPITAL". 

Yup I was on dog duty as my dad was rushed off to hospital. Although at the time it was like the end of the world, we still managed to laugh about it! Living in a tiny village, we have such an issue with parking, the ambulance couldn't get here, my uncle was wearing camouflage and had to try and flag it down, my gran suffers from dementia and  was in the lounge telling me what her dinner plans were, as she had forgotten that upstairs dad was cradling a bucket full of blood, the paramedics finally reached us, only to not be able to hardly fit in our house! Two of the largest men carrying a wheelchair up the stairs, knocking the lights on the way. Dad gave up and walked to the ambulance, what a trooper! On the way out he even shouted that the Cat was in the shed and I need to let him out. You would think everything would go out of your mind, but he was still thinking of others! 

I have always had a excitement about ambulances so when they blue lighted to the William Harvey, Ashford, and went straight through everyone in A&E, I was still pumped!

That night seemed surprisingly ok, we picked mum up from the hospital about 3am and although extremely tired she seemed optimistic. 

It wasn't until the following morning things sounded pretty serious. Mum returned back to hospital to dad on another drip and having a blood transfusion. Although he was still passing blood, they had to try and keep his blood level up as much as possible. Daisy and I came later, I dont think we expected to see him quite so weak and small. He was curled up in bed and couldn't barely open his eyes. we stood in the hospital corridor crying into each other. I would never have imagined things would have got this bad, this quick. As dad was taken away for a scan, he said
" I will come back, dont worry." I think thats when it hit home, this wasn't going to be easy.
It was the longest wait for him to come back from the scan and when he did he was so tired from the anaesthetic, we just watched him sleep. 

Sunday evening we done everything we possibly could to keep distracted, The doctor had told us his stomach was so full of blood still, they couldn't see anything on the camera, therefore couldn't find the source of where the blood was coming from. 

They were really sorry but there was nothing they could do! They suspected one of his veins had burst, due to pressure. If that was the case, and it could be fixed, it is likely to come back. Dads blood levels had dropped so much, its was dangerously low. Daisy and i waited for a phone call that night to tell us to come and say goodbye, we had close family friends on standby to look after our puppy, and we had other close friends ready to drive us to hospital. 

 We were all so emotionally drained, but couldn't sleep at all, so spent the night doing anything but trying to think about it. Luckily dad stayed stable throughout the night, and Monday we met with a hospice lady who told us about end of life care at home. Dad took it so well, he listened and took it all In, whilst we were all in floods around him. I couldn't get my head around it, and didn't understand why we weren't all just talking about him coming home normally, and keeping positive! She told us we have to stick out the scans, she will do all she can to make him comfortable at home. I laid in Daisy's bed that night and cried as we tried to make sense of it all. 

Tuesday came around and dad had moved beds to near the window, he seemed a lot more comfortable, although still having a blood transfusion and a drip. We walked in to him reading the newspaper! I latched onto that for the rest of the day, its crazy how seeing him do something 'normal' made me feel a sudden sense of positivity.  He stayed so strong for us but you could tell he was terrified, and didn't want his last days to be in a hospital. Mum stayed with him, and pretty much moved in to the chair next to his bed. Although she was breaking as well, she continued to stay brave for us!  The days came and went, he was eventually allowed to eat little amounts of jelly and ice cream, and take small sips of water. the blood loss had calmed down, but he was still so wiped out from having a transfusion.

On average we have 8-12 pints of blood in our body, He had 9 transfused.